"Don't believe in God, put your faith in Him." -Johnny Brower
"Faith without works is dead" -James 2:17
This time a month ago, I had just departed on my favorite week of the year. Most of you know this about me, I suffer from missiontripitus. I just can't get me enough of it. God has shown me only a shallow pool of His grace, love and depth on these mission trips as I continually seek Him and He answers. I doubt and He assures me. I am hungry and He feeds me. I am lacking and His grace overflows my cup. And all the while I am the one that's supposed to be doing the work? I get so pumped up and my life is changed, every year.
"Have you noticed that when God speaks, things happen? Check out Genesis... it is the same way with us. When God speaks to us we can't help but be changed." These were words spoken tonight at worship. One month after mission trip, a mission trip that had redefined who I was. Yesterday a friend posted something on Facebook about the scars and cuts from mission trip beginning to finally fade away and how sad it was, as she would miss mission trip. It made me realize I was beginning to miss mission trip too, and today I thought hard about exactly why I was.
Faith without works is dead. I didn't just believe in God during mission trip, I put my faith in Him. I was changed, I was redefined. But faith without works is dead. As I write this I've just stumbled upon a blog that vividly reminded me that there are still people out there hurting. There are still children going hungry. There is still an elderly that is living in horrid conditions because they have no money to fix a broken house. There are still those who live on the streets selling their bodies, those people whose existence thrives only on taking drugs. I feel guilty sitting here typing this while this happens so close to me. Since mission trip what have I done? Was I just fired up for no reason? Because I certainly feel like I have not filled out my call as a Christian to be in mission with these people.
(Good thing there is grace.)
I've shared the word since I've gotten back. I've volunteered with campers, I've written youth lessons, I've tried to do good and it is my prayer that I've maybe even compelled someone else to do good. But I feel I haven't DONE anything risk-taking that put me out of my comfort zone. Merely talking about the poor doesn't help. As my friend Jimbob says something like, "our apathy doesn't help, it gives them no food nor clothing. But our love and actions will." I want to DO something.
I prayed as I left mission trip that the mission would not be ending, but merely a jump start. One month later, I believe I'm getting closer to reaching that. I just hope it doesn't take all year. I feel ashamed by my actions (not really doing anything,) but also at a loss for ideas. What do I do? Where am I supposed to find this place to help that can meet the world's desperate needs with my passion and ability? What is my ability? Does have something to do with my call? Where does all this jumbled mess fit with where I am, what I'm doing, and how? Seriously, help me out here.
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