North to Ninevah

Let's talk about the fact that I'm going to Alaska this summer, because it sounds pretty ridiulous. I guess if I told you I was working at a United Methodist camp, it sounds a little less ridiculous... but not much.

Last fall I went to a conference in Missouri called Exploration. While I was there I, by chance, met someone that had worked with a few of my friends at a camp in Alaska. At the end of the weekend he casually invited my friend and I to also apply to work at Birchwood. I laughed it off, telling him I already had a camp where I worked. Besides, why on earth would I care to go to Alaska? But as I walked away that morning, for some reason I thought "man, that'd be weird if that's the way God was calling me to go to Alaska."

Turns out, He was.

After that encounter, I couldn't get Alaska out of my mind for some reason. And it didn't help that the subject casually came up in conversations daily...I mean seriously, who talks about Alaska? I tried to push aside the notion just like Jonah tried to push aside the call to go to Ninevah. I busied my mind, as if I was sticking my fingers in my ears and saying "Sorry God, I can't hear you." After all, I was suposed to work at Glen Lake, that's what made sense. I had come so far the past 3 years; from not liking camp at all, to working in the kitchen, to being a Junior Counselor. Surely, God had worked on me this far to lead me to the glorious job of being a Senior Staffer at Glen Lake... I mean, that's the curveball I wasn't expecting! In fact, when I first started working at Glen Lake I told myself I would never be on Summer Staff. So, it would make a nice, ironic plotline if that's what God had been trying to do all along, right? In fact, that's what I had caught on to and come to terms with in the past year. I was ready to be a full-out Senior Staffer, so Alaska would have to be a no-go. What was wrong with Tarshish anyway? I was Carly Payne, the Glen Laker, and that's all there was to it.

However, God kept working on my heart and softening my ears to the "A word..." but my heart was pretty hard. I recently found a journal entry from the end of last year where I expressed that I didn't want to work at Glen Lake just because it was familiar. I wanted God to use me in whatever way He needed me, I wanted to glorify Him in whatever I did. I prayed He would stretch me and lead me wherever I needed to be, but that I was scared. I was sacred that after I prayed and listened and was lead, I would still hear the world "Alaska."

I'd like to think Jonah didn't instantly know he was in a whale. If you've seen Veggie Tales, you might understand my ligistical reasoning. Jonah was just swimming, and suddenly everything he had been running away from caught up with him in a big, dark hole. One day I was driving home from Weatherford and I couldn't stop singing "The Summons." It's one of my favorite hymns, but I'll admit that I don't have all the verses in order (so if anyone knows a good version on iTunes, let me know.) Over and over the words "Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?" pounded on my soul. Breaking down in tears, I prayed to God. I told Him how much Alaska ruined my plans, and how much that scared me. I told Him how it didn't even make any sense. I had tried to ignore the fact I was running away from my Ninevah, and at that moment I realized I couldn't anymore. I told God I would go if He wanted me to, but He would have to really show me that He was calling me. I prayed He would give me a peace about going, and about not being at Glen Lake. Even if God was sending me there just to stretch me and make me trust Him (as if those were little things,) I was going to make an effort to go.


"...I called out of my distress to the LORD, And He answered me. I cried for help from the depth of Sheol; You heard my voice." -Jonah 2:2


I feel that this was the part where God heard my cry and told the fish to spit me up onto dry land, which was great. This is the part where Jonah and I finally start heading towards Ninevah, which is also great. But let's not forget that we're heading towards Ninevah covered in metaphorical whale vomit in the desert heat. That's gross.


I spent my Christmas break in a lot of prayer. I seemed to go back and forth every minute about wanting or not wanting to go. I actually had to fill out my application twice because I purposely didn't fill it out well the first time (if I didn't get the job, God couldn't get made at me for not going, right?) I can't pinpoint an exact moment, but when I returned to McMurry, my attitude towards Birchwood had changed. Granted I still had days with doubts, but I was generally hopeful and excited about what God had in store for me.


The more I talked to people about Alaska, the more they encouraged me.
Standing in the kitchen of Pie Peddlers telling Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Cagle about this crazy idea, I was first encouraged to even really consider the idea as legitimate.
I was encouraged by my friends Matt, Marianne, and Ethan as they jokingly reminded me about the dream Marianne had a few years ago about all of us working at a Methodist camp in Alaska.
Talking with my friends at McMurry who had worked at Birchwood, the vision became more concrete in my head and I began to picture myself canoeing on Psalm Lake.
Being told by my boss at Glen Lake she would write my recommendation letter, I began to realize that God's call transcended my own norms.
I was comforted by a cross I found in a box that my grandpa had brought back from a mission trip to- you guessed it- Alaska. 40 years ago, and I'm sure long before, God was weaving this plan for me.
Speaking with former campers, parents, and fellow staffers, I realized that the good memories I had of Glen Lake were because God had brought me there the past 3 summers. I began to realize that God was calling me somewhere new, with just as many good memories and experiences in store.


And now, a few months later, I'm sitting on my couch wondering what my mom's going to say when she finds out I was blogging instead of packing since I leave in two days. I'm so excited I feel like throwing up. I still don't know exactly what God has in store for me, or what working as an intern at Birchwood will mean for me. I know some things I'll see right away, and some will take years to come to the surface. God has bigger plans for myself than I do, and He has a nice way of doing things like adding snow caps to our Ninevahs so we realize that too.

When the Heart Aches

The more I come into an intimate relationship with Christ, the more my heart aches. I've heard someone say that since they became serious about Christ, they've wept more than they ever did before.

My heart aches as I look around into a broken world. I hate to see those effected by poverty, disease, tragedies, or broken homes. However those circumstances don't compare to when my soul weeps when I see those who don't know Christ. I ache not because I long for the gain of putting more people in the pews, but because I long for my brothers and sisters to know the joy Christ brings.

I hate to see people so turned off by a God that doesn't understand them, because that's not the God I know. I long for the day where science and politics aren't a construct that keeps us from living in unity with God and one another, but points to our magnificent Creator.

My heart aches for this broken world, and on this Holy Saturday I remember that it was my sin that made it so. I caused the only good thing that ever happened to me to be nailed to a cross, and sealed Him in a tomb. Today is the day I cry out to God, asking for forgiveness as I sit and wait in the broken world I helped to create.

The Blog Post About Your Last Midwinter

To all of my Student Leadership Seniors approaching their last Midwinter,

It's hard to see something end when you've invested so much of your time and so many of your years into something that holds a special place in your heart. And this weekend, your fears are manifesting, the place you never thought you'd be is actually approaching quicker than you can make sense of it. It's real, this is your last Midwinter.

First of all, any of those feelings you are having are perfectly legitimate. You don't have to pretend to be happy if you're sad, and you don't have to be sad if you're happy. If there's anything you've learned after being on SLT, please let it be about leading in the way God made you, which is living an authentic Christian life.

Maybe you're looking back at your first Midwinter, or thinking about how much you've changed because of what happened there. Friendships were made. Your idea of God was stretched out of the box. Somehow, God impacted you to live in a new way. Don't forget where you started. When you're frustrated about how something is going terribly and you feel like you're useless and of no help, remember where you used to be.

Do God's work. He has given you this wonderful opportunity to shine His light for ALL to see. I regret all the times I tried to look cool instead of working to advance the Kingdom. Even after only a year, I already don't remember what games we played, all the people in my group, or who one the ridiculous YSF contest. Those things have all faded, and the thing I remember is that Jesus showed up. It sounds cheesy and like a good Christian answer, but becomes more and more the way I feel. THAT was what changed my life. Don't miss the opportunity for a memory like that.

Receive the grace that God has bestowed upon you, it's a wonderful gift. This weekend won't be great because of you. Actually, the more of you there is, the more it will suck. Allow yourself to create a space in your heart where God can work. He's going to do great things.

I love all of you guys, and not being with you this year somehow let's me step back to see how incredibly blessed I am to have you all in my life. I once heard former SLTer Molly Nason tell a senior not be too bummed about the last Midwinter because God has even better things in store for you. It was weird having someone tell me it wasn't the end of the world. At the time I wasn't sure how that would play out in my life, but one year out and I can assure you He does. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us of this wonderful promise.

It's such a blessing to see all the wonderful ways you all are sharing God's love.I'll be praying for you all, and I love you guys and can't wait to hear about it!

In Christ,
Carly Payne
Hebrews 10:24-25

The Tower

If you've come into contact with me in the past 5 months or so, chances are I tried to push a green bracelet on you and told you about Tower Youth. I might have even physically restrained you until I could show you some pictures of the students or tell a story that you probably didn't care about that I thought was hilarious. Let's face it, I'm an 18-year old grandma. However, for the sake of blogging.

This summer my camp friend Whitney messaged me about helping with a youth group in the fall when I would move to McMurry. She said they were looking for more girl sponsors and that she thought of me, and I was honored. But at the time she asked, I had just gotten back from my last mission trip AS a youth, and quite frankly I thought I was burnt out. Even as a participant, I was weary of going right back to a youth group. And I certainly didn't want to do it just because "that's what you do when you're in college." I told her I'd think and pray about it, but my mind was pretty well made up.

The rest of the summer I wrestled with the idea. I'll admit that I thought a lot more than I intentionally prayed about it. I didn't want to miss out if that's what God was calling me to do, but at the same time I didn't think He was.

Okay, here's the cool God part.

That Sunday when I got to McMurry they had a special service at Aldersgate UMC across the street from campus. All the UMCs in Abilene had people there to support the students and to help connect them with a church. That morning I met Wanda, who hooked me up helping teach the Special People's Sunday School class (It's only two of my favorite things, Jesus and special needs people, no big deal. That's for another post.)

My friend and I walked in late for the service. There were probably 14 million people there. I know Abilene is bigger than Glen Rose, so I'm sure my estimate is logical. Out of those 14 million people, guess who we sit by? You guessed it, Jared, Jordan, and Ryan (aka Special K, Smelly, and Cheerleader,) three of the Wylie UMC Youth workers. They invited me to come to the back-to-school youth pool party, and from there I was hooked. There's no way I could fit everything that God has done through this youth group into one post, but hopefully now you'll be a little less confused now when I tweet that I'm "going towering."

By no will of my own did I end up at Wylie UMC, but I'm sure glad I did. God has a way of vomiting us out where we need to be.

I'm Back!

Man, hold up and read that title again, this time in your best creepy voice. Now proceed...

If this blog was a live-feed of my life, I would still be on vacation in Rockport. Not so bad, right? Wrong (just think of a small,musty cottage with 6 people and you'll understand why the Payne family prefers short road trips.)

To make up for my blogging absence, I would like to share with you 10 things that have occurred during my leave of absence.

1. Kissing 11 fish.
2. Starting a compost pile.
3. Power-walking for education.
4. Being called "Napoleon."
5. Digging for gold in Alaska.
6. Knitting parties in the dorm.
7. Plane rides!
8. Secret codes.
9. Towering.
10.Championing.

That's what's up with me. Maybe I'll explain some later, but maybe not. But enough about me. What are you up to?

Mr. Blog

Mr. Blog,

Yes, I admit that I might be prompted to write this after a conversation with a reporter about student blogging, I'm not gonna even lie.

But the truth is, I've missed you. I thought I knew what I thought, but apparently it takes me writing for 3 hours to a blog that doesn't make sense for me to realize I don't know what's going on and that that's okay. (
I guess I was tired of emotionally exhausting myself to writing to you. I was sick of trying to navigate Blogspot, and to be quite honest it took me 30 minutes to even get to where I could write this. Not to mention the fact that no one uses this site because it's incompatible with many things. C'mon Google.

I'll admit I've made mistakes. I look back and see where I left out a punctuation mark or spelled "live," "liv." I'm sure I've done it in this post, and I will do it again. That's just who I am.

The truth is, to quote a book and movie I don't particularly care too much for, “It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”

Okay, maybe not quite that much. But I'll try to be a blogger to you, Mr. Blog. I'll work on it little by little, and maybe someday I'll be able to navigate your website with ease.

Until then,

Girl who thought "Pineapple Tidbits" was a really cool name, and still kinda does.