Last fall I went to a conference in Missouri called Exploration. While I was there I, by chance, met someone that had worked with a few of my friends at a camp in Alaska. At the end of the weekend he casually invited my friend and I to also apply to work at Birchwood. I laughed it off, telling him I already had a camp where I worked. Besides, why on earth would I care to go to Alaska? But as I walked away that morning, for some reason I thought "man, that'd be weird if that's the way God was calling me to go to Alaska."
Turns out, He was.
After that encounter, I couldn't get Alaska out of my mind for some reason. And it didn't help that the subject casually came up in conversations daily...I mean seriously, who talks about Alaska? I tried to push aside the notion just like Jonah tried to push aside the call to go to Ninevah. I busied my mind, as if I was sticking my fingers in my ears and saying "Sorry God, I can't hear you." After all, I was suposed to work at Glen Lake, that's what made sense. I had come so far the past 3 years; from not liking camp at all, to working in the kitchen, to being a Junior Counselor. Surely, God had worked on me this far to lead me to the glorious job of being a Senior Staffer at Glen Lake... I mean, that's the curveball I wasn't expecting! In fact, when I first started working at Glen Lake I told myself I would never be on Summer Staff. So, it would make a nice, ironic plotline if that's what God had been trying to do all along, right? In fact, that's what I had caught on to and come to terms with in the past year. I was ready to be a full-out Senior Staffer, so Alaska would have to be a no-go. What was wrong with Tarshish anyway? I was Carly Payne, the Glen Laker, and that's all there was to it.
However, God kept working on my heart and softening my ears to the "A word..." but my heart was pretty hard. I recently found a journal entry from the end of last year where I expressed that I didn't want to work at Glen Lake just because it was familiar. I wanted God to use me in whatever way He needed me, I wanted to glorify Him in whatever I did. I prayed He would stretch me and lead me wherever I needed to be, but that I was scared. I was sacred that after I prayed and listened and was lead, I would still hear the world "Alaska."
I'd like to think Jonah didn't instantly know he was in a whale. If you've seen Veggie Tales, you might understand my ligistical reasoning. Jonah was just swimming, and suddenly everything he had been running away from caught up with him in a big, dark hole. One day I was driving home from Weatherford and I couldn't stop singing "The Summons." It's one of my favorite hymns, but I'll admit that I don't have all the verses in order (so if anyone knows a good version on iTunes, let me know.) Over and over the words "Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?" pounded on my soul. Breaking down in tears, I prayed to God. I told Him how much Alaska ruined my plans, and how much that scared me. I told Him how it didn't even make any sense. I had tried to ignore the fact I was running away from my Ninevah, and at that moment I realized I couldn't anymore. I told God I would go if He wanted me to, but He would have to really show me that He was calling me. I prayed He would give me a peace about going, and about not being at Glen Lake. Even if God was sending me there just to stretch me and make me trust Him (as if those were little things,) I was going to make an effort to go.
"...I called out of my distress to the LORD, And He answered me. I cried for help from the depth of Sheol; You heard my voice." -Jonah 2:2
I feel that this was the part where God heard my cry and told the fish to spit me up onto dry land, which was great. This is the part where Jonah and I finally start heading towards Ninevah, which is also great. But let's not forget that we're heading towards Ninevah covered in metaphorical whale vomit in the desert heat. That's gross.
I spent my Christmas break in a lot of prayer. I seemed to go back and forth every minute about wanting or not wanting to go. I actually had to fill out my application twice because I purposely didn't fill it out well the first time (if I didn't get the job, God couldn't get made at me for not going, right?) I can't pinpoint an exact moment, but when I returned to McMurry, my attitude towards Birchwood had changed. Granted I still had days with doubts, but I was generally hopeful and excited about what God had in store for me.
The more I talked to people about Alaska, the more they encouraged me.
Standing in the kitchen of Pie Peddlers telling Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Cagle about this crazy idea, I was first encouraged to even really consider the idea as legitimate.
I was encouraged by my friends Matt, Marianne, and Ethan as they jokingly reminded me about the dream Marianne had a few years ago about all of us working at a Methodist camp in Alaska.
Talking with my friends at McMurry who had worked at Birchwood, the vision became more concrete in my head and I began to picture myself canoeing on Psalm Lake.
Being told by my boss at Glen Lake she would write my recommendation letter, I began to realize that God's call transcended my own norms.
I was comforted by a cross I found in a box that my grandpa had brought back from a mission trip to- you guessed it- Alaska. 40 years ago, and I'm sure long before, God was weaving this plan for me.
Speaking with former campers, parents, and fellow staffers, I realized that the good memories I had of Glen Lake were because God had brought me there the past 3 summers. I began to realize that God was calling me somewhere new, with just as many good memories and experiences in store.
And now, a few months later, I'm sitting on my couch wondering what my mom's going to say when she finds out I was blogging instead of packing since I leave in two days. I'm so excited I feel like throwing up. I still don't know exactly what God has in store for me, or what working as an intern at Birchwood will mean for me. I know some things I'll see right away, and some will take years to come to the surface. God has bigger plans for myself than I do, and He has a nice way of doing things like adding snow caps to our Ninevahs so we realize that too.
