The more I come into an intimate relationship with Christ, the more my heart aches. I've heard someone say that since they became serious about Christ, they've wept more than they ever did before.
My heart aches as I look around into a broken world. I hate to see those effected by poverty, disease, tragedies, or broken homes. However those circumstances don't compare to when my soul weeps when I see those who don't know Christ. I ache not because I long for the gain of putting more people in the pews, but because I long for my brothers and sisters to know the joy Christ brings.
I hate to see people so turned off by a God that doesn't understand them, because that's not the God I know. I long for the day where science and politics aren't a construct that keeps us from living in unity with God and one another, but points to our magnificent Creator.
My heart aches for this broken world, and on this Holy Saturday I remember that it was my sin that made it so. I caused the only good thing that ever happened to me to be nailed to a cross, and sealed Him in a tomb. Today is the day I cry out to God, asking for forgiveness as I sit and wait in the broken world I helped to create.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
The Blog Post About Your Last Midwinter
To all of my Student Leadership Seniors approaching their last Midwinter,
It's hard to see something end when you've invested so much of your time and so many of your years into something that holds a special place in your heart. And this weekend, your fears are manifesting, the place you never thought you'd be is actually approaching quicker than you can make sense of it. It's real, this is your last Midwinter.
First of all, any of those feelings you are having are perfectly legitimate. You don't have to pretend to be happy if you're sad, and you don't have to be sad if you're happy. If there's anything you've learned after being on SLT, please let it be about leading in the way God made you, which is living an authentic Christian life.
Maybe you're looking back at your first Midwinter, or thinking about how much you've changed because of what happened there. Friendships were made. Your idea of God was stretched out of the box. Somehow, God impacted you to live in a new way. Don't forget where you started. When you're frustrated about how something is going terribly and you feel like you're useless and of no help, remember where you used to be.
Do God's work. He has given you this wonderful opportunity to shine His light for ALL to see. I regret all the times I tried to look cool instead of working to advance the Kingdom. Even after only a year, I already don't remember what games we played, all the people in my group, or who one the ridiculous YSF contest. Those things have all faded, and the thing I remember is that Jesus showed up. It sounds cheesy and like a good Christian answer, but becomes more and more the way I feel. THAT was what changed my life. Don't miss the opportunity for a memory like that.
Receive the grace that God has bestowed upon you, it's a wonderful gift. This weekend won't be great because of you. Actually, the more of you there is, the more it will suck. Allow yourself to create a space in your heart where God can work. He's going to do great things.
I love all of you guys, and not being with you this year somehow let's me step back to see how incredibly blessed I am to have you all in my life. I once heard former SLTer Molly Nason tell a senior not be too bummed about the last Midwinter because God has even better things in store for you. It was weird having someone tell me it wasn't the end of the world. At the time I wasn't sure how that would play out in my life, but one year out and I can assure you He does. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us of this wonderful promise.
It's such a blessing to see all the wonderful ways you all are sharing God's love.I'll be praying for you all, and I love you guys and can't wait to hear about it!
In Christ,
Carly Payne
Hebrews 10:24-25
It's hard to see something end when you've invested so much of your time and so many of your years into something that holds a special place in your heart. And this weekend, your fears are manifesting, the place you never thought you'd be is actually approaching quicker than you can make sense of it. It's real, this is your last Midwinter.
First of all, any of those feelings you are having are perfectly legitimate. You don't have to pretend to be happy if you're sad, and you don't have to be sad if you're happy. If there's anything you've learned after being on SLT, please let it be about leading in the way God made you, which is living an authentic Christian life.
Maybe you're looking back at your first Midwinter, or thinking about how much you've changed because of what happened there. Friendships were made. Your idea of God was stretched out of the box. Somehow, God impacted you to live in a new way. Don't forget where you started. When you're frustrated about how something is going terribly and you feel like you're useless and of no help, remember where you used to be.
Do God's work. He has given you this wonderful opportunity to shine His light for ALL to see. I regret all the times I tried to look cool instead of working to advance the Kingdom. Even after only a year, I already don't remember what games we played, all the people in my group, or who one the ridiculous YSF contest. Those things have all faded, and the thing I remember is that Jesus showed up. It sounds cheesy and like a good Christian answer, but becomes more and more the way I feel. THAT was what changed my life. Don't miss the opportunity for a memory like that.
Receive the grace that God has bestowed upon you, it's a wonderful gift. This weekend won't be great because of you. Actually, the more of you there is, the more it will suck. Allow yourself to create a space in your heart where God can work. He's going to do great things.
I love all of you guys, and not being with you this year somehow let's me step back to see how incredibly blessed I am to have you all in my life. I once heard former SLTer Molly Nason tell a senior not be too bummed about the last Midwinter because God has even better things in store for you. It was weird having someone tell me it wasn't the end of the world. At the time I wasn't sure how that would play out in my life, but one year out and I can assure you He does. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us of this wonderful promise.
It's such a blessing to see all the wonderful ways you all are sharing God's love.I'll be praying for you all, and I love you guys and can't wait to hear about it!
In Christ,
Carly Payne
Hebrews 10:24-25
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The Tower
If you've come into contact with me in the past 5 months or so, chances are I tried to push a green bracelet on you and told you about Tower Youth. I might have even physically restrained you until I could show you some pictures of the students or tell a story that you probably didn't care about that I thought was hilarious. Let's face it, I'm an 18-year old grandma. However, for the sake of blogging.
This summer my camp friend Whitney messaged me about helping with a youth group in the fall when I would move to McMurry. She said they were looking for more girl sponsors and that she thought of me, and I was honored. But at the time she asked, I had just gotten back from my last mission trip AS a youth, and quite frankly I thought I was burnt out. Even as a participant, I was weary of going right back to a youth group. And I certainly didn't want to do it just because "that's what you do when you're in college." I told her I'd think and pray about it, but my mind was pretty well made up.
The rest of the summer I wrestled with the idea. I'll admit that I thought a lot more than I intentionally prayed about it. I didn't want to miss out if that's what God was calling me to do, but at the same time I didn't think He was.
Okay, here's the cool God part.
That Sunday when I got to McMurry they had a special service at Aldersgate UMC across the street from campus. All the UMCs in Abilene had people there to support the students and to help connect them with a church. That morning I met Wanda, who hooked me up helping teach the Special People's Sunday School class (It's only two of my favorite things, Jesus and special needs people, no big deal. That's for another post.)
My friend and I walked in late for the service. There were probably 14 million people there. I know Abilene is bigger than Glen Rose, so I'm sure my estimate is logical. Out of those 14 million people, guess who we sit by? You guessed it, Jared, Jordan, and Ryan (aka Special K, Smelly, and Cheerleader,) three of the Wylie UMC Youth workers. They invited me to come to the back-to-school youth pool party, and from there I was hooked. There's no way I could fit everything that God has done through this youth group into one post, but hopefully now you'll be a little less confused now when I tweet that I'm "going towering."
By no will of my own did I end up at Wylie UMC, but I'm sure glad I did. God has a way of vomiting us out where we need to be.
This summer my camp friend Whitney messaged me about helping with a youth group in the fall when I would move to McMurry. She said they were looking for more girl sponsors and that she thought of me, and I was honored. But at the time she asked, I had just gotten back from my last mission trip AS a youth, and quite frankly I thought I was burnt out. Even as a participant, I was weary of going right back to a youth group. And I certainly didn't want to do it just because "that's what you do when you're in college." I told her I'd think and pray about it, but my mind was pretty well made up.
The rest of the summer I wrestled with the idea. I'll admit that I thought a lot more than I intentionally prayed about it. I didn't want to miss out if that's what God was calling me to do, but at the same time I didn't think He was.
Okay, here's the cool God part.
That Sunday when I got to McMurry they had a special service at Aldersgate UMC across the street from campus. All the UMCs in Abilene had people there to support the students and to help connect them with a church. That morning I met Wanda, who hooked me up helping teach the Special People's Sunday School class (It's only two of my favorite things, Jesus and special needs people, no big deal. That's for another post.)
My friend and I walked in late for the service. There were probably 14 million people there. I know Abilene is bigger than Glen Rose, so I'm sure my estimate is logical. Out of those 14 million people, guess who we sit by? You guessed it, Jared, Jordan, and Ryan (aka Special K, Smelly, and Cheerleader,) three of the Wylie UMC Youth workers. They invited me to come to the back-to-school youth pool party, and from there I was hooked. There's no way I could fit everything that God has done through this youth group into one post, but hopefully now you'll be a little less confused now when I tweet that I'm "going towering."
By no will of my own did I end up at Wylie UMC, but I'm sure glad I did. God has a way of vomiting us out where we need to be.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I'm Back!
Man, hold up and read that title again, this time in your best creepy voice. Now proceed...
If this blog was a live-feed of my life, I would still be on vacation in Rockport. Not so bad, right? Wrong (just think of a small,musty cottage with 6 people and you'll understand why the Payne family prefers short road trips.)
To make up for my blogging absence, I would like to share with you 10 things that have occurred during my leave of absence.
1. Kissing 11 fish.
2. Starting a compost pile.
3. Power-walking for education.
4. Being called "Napoleon."
5. Digging for gold in Alaska.
6. Knitting parties in the dorm.
7. Plane rides!
8. Secret codes.
9. Towering.
10.Championing.
That's what's up with me. Maybe I'll explain some later, but maybe not. But enough about me. What are you up to?
If this blog was a live-feed of my life, I would still be on vacation in Rockport. Not so bad, right? Wrong (just think of a small,musty cottage with 6 people and you'll understand why the Payne family prefers short road trips.)
To make up for my blogging absence, I would like to share with you 10 things that have occurred during my leave of absence.
1. Kissing 11 fish.
2. Starting a compost pile.
3. Power-walking for education.
4. Being called "Napoleon."
5. Digging for gold in Alaska.
6. Knitting parties in the dorm.
7. Plane rides!
8. Secret codes.
9. Towering.
10.Championing.
That's what's up with me. Maybe I'll explain some later, but maybe not. But enough about me. What are you up to?
Mr. Blog
Mr. Blog,
Yes, I admit that I might be prompted to write this after a conversation with a reporter about student blogging, I'm not gonna even lie.
But the truth is, I've missed you. I thought I knew what I thought, but apparently it takes me writing for 3 hours to a blog that doesn't make sense for me to realize I don't know what's going on and that that's okay. (
I guess I was tired of emotionally exhausting myself to writing to you. I was sick of trying to navigate Blogspot, and to be quite honest it took me 30 minutes to even get to where I could write this. Not to mention the fact that no one uses this site because it's incompatible with many things. C'mon Google.
I'll admit I've made mistakes. I look back and see where I left out a punctuation mark or spelled "live," "liv." I'm sure I've done it in this post, and I will do it again. That's just who I am.
The truth is, to quote a book and movie I don't particularly care too much for, “It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”
Okay, maybe not quite that much. But I'll try to be a blogger to you, Mr. Blog. I'll work on it little by little, and maybe someday I'll be able to navigate your website with ease.
Until then,
Girl who thought "Pineapple Tidbits" was a really cool name, and still kinda does.
Yes, I admit that I might be prompted to write this after a conversation with a reporter about student blogging, I'm not gonna even lie.
But the truth is, I've missed you. I thought I knew what I thought, but apparently it takes me writing for 3 hours to a blog that doesn't make sense for me to realize I don't know what's going on and that that's okay. (
I guess I was tired of emotionally exhausting myself to writing to you. I was sick of trying to navigate Blogspot, and to be quite honest it took me 30 minutes to even get to where I could write this. Not to mention the fact that no one uses this site because it's incompatible with many things. C'mon Google.
I'll admit I've made mistakes. I look back and see where I left out a punctuation mark or spelled "live," "liv." I'm sure I've done it in this post, and I will do it again. That's just who I am.
The truth is, to quote a book and movie I don't particularly care too much for, “It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”
Okay, maybe not quite that much. But I'll try to be a blogger to you, Mr. Blog. I'll work on it little by little, and maybe someday I'll be able to navigate your website with ease.
Until then,
Girl who thought "Pineapple Tidbits" was a really cool name, and still kinda does.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Us and Them
I was checking my Twitter when I noticed that someone I don't know had tweeted a link to me saying "If you're interested in God or Christianity..." When I clicked on the link it was a video of a speaker at some sort of conference giving his argument against the existence of God.
I'll tell you the truth, my first reaction was to exit out of the video, but I didn't. Actually, I watched it through twice. I learned something that I probably wouldn't have learned if it was a link to a sermon or the Skit Guys. By opening ourselves to listen we create a space of vulnerably, a space that allows us to think, or dare I say it, be wrong.
When we assume our views right on just about everything, we shut out a will to learn. No matter what religion or beliefs, everyone is yearning to believe in something beyond ourselves.
So no matter who you are, I believe this holds true.
The Christian is a child of God.
The Jew is a Child of God.
The Buddhist is a child of God.
The atheist is a child of God.
Nothing can break that bond, we are all the same people. Thinking in terms of "us" without the "them" opens a dialogue for us to think and let think. We won't agree on everything-we don't have to, but as Christians we are called to love one another NO MATTER WHAT.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is don't be scared to get off your high-horse and look around a bit. You never know where you'll find God.
Woah, I didn't know something productive could come out of spammer tweets. That is, if blogs are considered productive.
I'll tell you the truth, my first reaction was to exit out of the video, but I didn't. Actually, I watched it through twice. I learned something that I probably wouldn't have learned if it was a link to a sermon or the Skit Guys. By opening ourselves to listen we create a space of vulnerably, a space that allows us to think, or dare I say it, be wrong.
When we assume our views right on just about everything, we shut out a will to learn. No matter what religion or beliefs, everyone is yearning to believe in something beyond ourselves.
So no matter who you are, I believe this holds true.
The Christian is a child of God.
The Jew is a Child of God.
The Buddhist is a child of God.
The atheist is a child of God.
Nothing can break that bond, we are all the same people. Thinking in terms of "us" without the "them" opens a dialogue for us to think and let think. We won't agree on everything-we don't have to, but as Christians we are called to love one another NO MATTER WHAT.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is don't be scared to get off your high-horse and look around a bit. You never know where you'll find God.
Woah, I didn't know something productive could come out of spammer tweets. That is, if blogs are considered productive.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Caught
Move me aside this week, Lord.
I've done this a few times before, and I think I've got it down.
But Lord, take all my expectations and put them away,
for greater things are yet to come.
I can't even fathom the ways You will appear to me in these new places with new people,
if I can move myself aside.
Replace my greed with passion for serving.
Take away my discomforts and help me find joy.
Take my pessimistic thoughts and comments and turn them into visions of hope.
And Lord when I fail, let me see the grace You bestow.
And let me return that grace to the best I can.
Make me a vessel for you, my God.
Make me a servant for You,
let me seek You in new ways,
let me show Your love in new ways in a way that's contagious.
And Lord, if I am "caught" doing these things, let me boast not for myself but for You.
For I know without faith, the wheelchair ramp is just more wood,
the nails get rusty,
and the grass simply turns back to dust.
But with faith they symbolize hope in a not seen before.
Keep me close to You this week, Lord.
Amen.
I've done this a few times before, and I think I've got it down.
But Lord, take all my expectations and put them away,
for greater things are yet to come.
I can't even fathom the ways You will appear to me in these new places with new people,
if I can move myself aside.
Replace my greed with passion for serving.
Take away my discomforts and help me find joy.
Take my pessimistic thoughts and comments and turn them into visions of hope.
And Lord when I fail, let me see the grace You bestow.
And let me return that grace to the best I can.
Make me a vessel for you, my God.
Make me a servant for You,
let me seek You in new ways,
let me show Your love in new ways in a way that's contagious.
And Lord, if I am "caught" doing these things, let me boast not for myself but for You.
For I know without faith, the wheelchair ramp is just more wood,
the nails get rusty,
and the grass simply turns back to dust.
But with faith they symbolize hope in a not seen before.
Keep me close to You this week, Lord.
Amen.
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